Sunday, July 4, 2010

The week from hell.

It's been a long time since I've written here. This topic is so much deeper and so much more painful than anything I've ever spoken of in this space.

Sometimes, during our days there is less being spoken but more being said. There are times of quiet where 2.0 and I just reflect and express our thoughts in glances, the way married couples so often do. Every day the hurt ebbs and flows, gets stronger and then is more tolerable. Two steps forward, one step back. The dance of healing. Getting worse and then getting better.
Pain is pain, no matter if it is emotional or physical it still hurts. No one can take away your physical pain or make a cut heal faster for you. In like manner, no one can bear this burden for us nor make us heal any faster than we will. Time heals all wounds, right?

No matter what it always comes back to the fact that we lost our baby. We lost our baby. A child we tried for and wanted so badly. Come back, little one. Maybe that body just wasn't right for you and you need something stronger. Oh God, please take care of my little one or send him/her back to me.

No matter how little you were, you will always be a part of our family. The pain might fade but the memory never will. We love you,

Your Mum-mum, Da, and big brother.


  1. Lesley - I'm so sorry. From the moment you find out you're carrying a baby you just LOVE that little life with all your heart. And a loss early, a loss late, is a loss and it's absolutely devastating. You are right though time does heal and yeah it hurts so bad right now but it does get better. Take all the time you need to grieve the loss of your angel. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs!!

  2. I am so sorry that your family is having to go through this. As Dawn said, a loss is a loss and something that is to grieved. I am glad you have 2.0 to comfort you and 3.0 to keep you moving. And an amazing network of friends and family that love you all.

    Know if you need some time, we are here for you. If it is a night out with friends, we would gladly be with you guys. If it is time alone, we would be happy to watch 3.0 for you.

    You are so strong to be able to share this with the world. I hope you find comfort with writing the words and getting them out.


  3. I've been coming back to this post a couple of times now... mostly because I don't know what to say. The pain is paralyzing. This is my third pregnancy. I lost my second baby... I have no words, just love and tears for you.

  4. Daiva - I had NO idea. I really feel for you and I appreciate you reaching out like that. Thank you so much.

    Dawn - Thanks. I know you understand.